After I could stand no more, I forced together my little bits of courage and went to bed. It wasn't easybut I went to bed and stayed there until I had slept a couple of hours. It took a few false starts but I managed to sleep without remembering a single dream.
The truly scary part of the nightmares is how I react while awake. I felt the shame of my father's disapproval until I managed to sleep again. The only way to treat yourself for nightmares is to get some undisturbed sleep. I am still ashamed but now it's because I let the proverbial old man beat me down.
I want to be free of the poison but it was decades of disapproval before I got away. Then, I made the mistake of trusting again a few times over. It was worse five years ago. Back then I got the urge to kill myself every time we spoke or I had a nightmare. I have done some healing since then.
It took decades before I was able to call the emotional abuse exactly what it was. ?
Maybe I should follow my own advice and take the time to heal. Just one foot in front of the other taking one step at a time.
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