Keeping you all informed of what you might expect from a chronic pain disorder, post decompression ACM and trying to cope with a life that refuses to stop so we can get out bearings was one of the big goals of this project when I decided to start writing online again. Well, the truth is that this was an overly ambitious goal to say the least. I live in what I'm choosing to call a perpetual state of astonishment where I keep suffering surprises. I began this journey with certain complaints that were always wirh me. I had a headache all the time which managed to be painful all the time even though the pain increased and decreased in intensity.
Other symptoms rotated in and out like linemen that a football coach is trying to keep fresh and ready for the fourth quarter of a tough game. There was the dizziness that didn't seem related to other symptoms as well as dizziness secondary to sudden bursts of pain or to sensory overload. There were seasonal changes that left me trying to look forward to summer with its more intense bursts of pain mixed with relatively long periods of what you might call relief. I was able to go out and do things in summer. With summer's long reach around here causing heatwaves as late as October, the adjustment from summer to winter symptoms is the most difficult.
This brings along the mountain of doubt that I feel each year as winter sinks into my muscles and bones. Is it worse this year or is it possibly better? Am I going to experience one of those much lauded Christmas miracles or could this be the year that my poor habits kill me? This is when I realize that I am just going through another one of those Fall transitions. Lo and behold! I have a headache. It's the same headache I've had since I was 25 but it's a real surprise over and over. Every year, it's a surprise and I fret about it being a surprise. Am I suffering some sort of bizarre early onset form of dementia? No! Of course not.
Once again, I am going through impostor syndrome where I doubt my own value in any currency. I do have a tremendous amount of personal experience that crosses many lines to combine things that do not go together in many lives. For example, Melissa and I have the extensive experience in choosing a restaurant or a table at a restaurant based on how the choice will affect my symptoms. I maintain the fervent hope that you might benefit from my experience preferably before you join me in my scars.
I will continue to muddle on, of course. My beloved wifey and life coach will continue to help me decide what the best option for dealing with each obstacle. Is a particular pain flare something that got through my best defenses of layered medications or did I forget something? Is my duragesic pain patch in place or did it fall off? Did I get distracted while changing the previous patch and only remove the old without putting the new one on? Did I forget one of my oral medications? Usually, it isn't quite so dramatic. Usually, a weather front is on its way and my early warning radar decides to announce the fact long before the news would be useful. Combine that with a lack of sleep and doomsday approaches.
Please bear with me, folks. I'm looking for the reset button.
