I tried to go to bed several times but that unspecific agitation that I know stems from my parents refusal to allow me any sleep. The jaw and tooth pain threatened as I grew more sleep deprived and this added to my agitation. I decided that I would sit in my broken chair, listen to some of that great new (to me - live recordings from 2005/2006 in a boxed set) Pearl Jam and enjoy the day. I was freshly showered and comfortable if you don't count the pain and so it felt like a good day.
Madeline knew better in her feline wisdom. She climbed up into my lap and napped me thoroughly. Unfortunately, sleep upright in a broken recliner does not compare well to sleeping horizontal in a bed. When Melissa came home at 4:30 or so, I took the opportunity of having Maddie out of my lap to form a coherent thought or two. If I went right to bed, I could nap for an hour and still make it to the tasting. Melissa woke me after that hour (one minute before my alarm was about to go off) and I told her the depressing news. I didn't want to go to the tasting anymore.
It wasn't precisely true but I wanted to escape the pain more than I wanted to go drink (almost) free good beer. I was asleep again too quickly to change my mind and woke again a half hour after the event was over. Still tired, I knew I'd made the right choice. I might have paid my admission price only to fall asleep and/or dropped and broken a glass due to my nearly narcoleptic symptoms. I went back to sleep and my bladder forced me out of bed at 2:30 AM when I decided that nine or ten hours was enough sleep for one stretch.
I'm trying to keep the frustration out of my mind now. If my father hadn't pressed my buttons so hard on Wednesday, I would have slept. Sleeping would have saved me considerable pain and that's reason enough to be angry. After that, I missed out on my only chance at a social event for the entire month. Despite all the humor I get out of saying that I go purely for the chance to drink more than I would normally, I go mostly for the people. With no August event scheduled so that the employees can take vacations, my next chance is September. I'm nervous that I might have lost my status as a regular already.
I spent much of my childhood being told that I shouldn't expect to be accepted anywhere because I was too weird. Thus, I value my friendships very highly even the casual ones. The casual friendships have their own unique advantages. If I see someone at beer tastings and only beer tastings, we can talk about the beer and be pals. I don't have to give great details about my illness or parental fears/frustrations. I don't have to remember names, spouses' names and the names of children I've never met. We can just talk about the beer. It's an interesting subject to me and there are few things in life as fulfilling as finding a pal who shares your more unusual passions for subjects.
Thankfully for you, I'm not one to go endlessly over what I've missed. I'd much rather figure out what I can gain next. Maybe I'll get a six pack of an unusual brew to try on my own or maybe not. My most immediate goal is to recover from this seemingly impossible sleep deficit. That wounded and scarred part of me tells me not to sleep. I might miss something important that could be used against me as a weapon later on. I need the sleep to regain the ability to counter the unexpected
In my younger and more foolish days, I wanted to finish every fight with a deadly or, at least, crippling blow. I forced myself to change over the course of years until a new philosophy emerged. Summed up succinctly, "a happy enemy is a former enemy." Most of the time, people seek to hurt others to fill voids in their own lives. If those voids can be filled, some enemies can even become friends. I cannot imagine becoming friends with my father so I will have to choose the second best path. If I can convince someone through short, sharp battles doing as little harm as possible that attacking me is a waste of time, they can come to another cliched conclusion on their own. "It seems there is enough room in this one horse town for the both of us." We just have to avoid contact and respect borders. I don't want anything to do with his new home and the surrounding area. Can he respect my borders as well? I think so.
Now, I just have to take it easy while making sure I complete all of the tasks immediately ahead of me.
Oops! I forgot the promised details of "the plan" and how it evolved. Maybe later today.
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