The first thing I need to do for this post is to specify that no one has died recently in my various circles and networks. I am mourning the loss of an old friend who simply broke off contact with no explanation or notice whatsoever. First, I denied it to myself and then I tried to bargain but that's difficult when someone won't contact me and so on. I was actually angry at this old friend for a while and you can fit the number of times I've been truly angry with her on one hand. Finally, I wallowed for a bit and I've decided to move on as inspired by the post of someone who lost her husband to cancer. She lost her husband who had been in her life physically in recent times and not some online connection that might be far less important to someone who isn't me.
Cheryl Goldberg lost her husband to cancer and she has decided to move on with her life as best she can by helping people. For better or worse, she's a brilliant speaker and writer with a huge following while I am who I am. I've lost someone who was once very important to me but had been of far less importance for around 20 years to be honest. I've decided to honor her memory by sharing what she did that taught me how to feel like a valuable human being whether she meant to teach me or not. In memory of my anonymous friend, I am going to try to flesh out one or two things that gave her such influence over me. She did all this just by being herself so any accusations of manipulativeness will result in a metaphorical punch in the nose. Manipulation is something done as a means to an end. These things that lead to knowing people better for who they are. That is the end for me.
So, what's the first thing that you can do for someone to help them learn their own value? When you are speaking to them, invest that time in them completely even if it is just a few seconds. Make eye contact when you speak. This is a skill that may be more difficult to learn for some than for others. If you cannot manage eye contact, try focusing on some part of their face. If possible, turn your body square to your new friend and face them straight on while speaking. If you can find that spot on their face you feel comfortable looking into, hold your eyes there as best you can. If you keep trying to make direct eye contact and are forced to look away, you may appear distracted.
The entire process is important. Taking the time to shift your posture so that it is oriented on them establishes the fact that you are paying attention. Making and holding what you might want to think of as eye posture if you cannot manage eye contact makes the person feel as if they are the only other person in the room.
This is intense stuff especially for someone unused to enjoying the full attention of others. As the subject of such attention, I remember feeling fixed to the spot yet eager to escape only to crave more attention later. You can depend on this to make your escape so to speak. At the point when this becomes too uncomfortable for one of you, feel free to make honest excuses to get on with your day. A person in need of your help will remember that you stopped and took time out of your busy day to speak with them. The key is being honest. If you need to go and it isn't because you are busy, don't offer any fake details. Just tell the person that you need to go and take the time to say goodbye, see you later or whatever seems appropriate to the situation.
With that, I bid you good day until I'm up to writing here again.
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