Overdoing It

You would think I'd learn my lesson one of these days and I might. It's been 15 years of my lovely Chiari experience and I have yet to have this lesson stick. It doesn't matter that there might only been ten cool and breezy days of sunny Spring/Fall weather each year. Yes, they are glorious. It's enough to make me want to stay in the office all day writing and interacting with others as best I can. Unfortunately, I have limits and they aren't limits that anyone would ever find reasonable. Even on the nicest day of the year, I have to spend most of the day sitting in my recliner doing very little.

If that sounds wonderful, you're right because it's great for the first week. There is so much that I would like to do but overdoing it is one of those things you don't forget. If I don't forget the penalty, why do I slip up and overdo things so often? For one thing, the line between doing just enough to satisfy my need to meet goals for the day is invisible and it moves. It seems that all it takes is one foot over the invisible line that moves and I'm in for a rough few days. Therefore, Melissa tries to remind me to avoid doing too much despite the fact that I have to leave more for her to do than she can handle.

I suppose I could get my team together and figure out a way to avoid overdoing it but I don't think I'd like the results. When you get right down to it, there's some small part of me that isn't open to all this compromise. I have resisted authority for as long as I can remember and my disability is the highest de facto authority in my life. Therefore, I need sleep but I can't deal with the anxiety attacks that hit when I try to sleep. The best thing I can do to thumb my nose at this Chiari dictatorship is to overdo it once in a while.

What's that you say? I'm not actually thumbing my nose at the pain and twitching that will come? I'm actually giving in to my fear of sleep at great cost to myself? You could say it that way but I prefer my way of putting it. Learning to take some of the sting out of bad situations by reframing them as advantages is one of my most important coping skills. When I do succumb to exhaustion and sleep for 3-4 hours and have my nightmares, I'll awaken feeling just as badly. Is that a defeat? You don't listen well. No! It's a chance to drink whiskey with club soda while telling myself it's actually 20 year old Scotch and not something rejected as paint thinner.

In truth, it doesn't taste half bad and it helps dull the pain. Best of all, it calms the nerves. My doctor just reminds me to avoid overdoing it. Oops.