So Tired

It's 6:30 AM and I've been up all night again. Why? I've been busy taking one step forward and two steps back. The whole country is doing that ridiculous dance. We took a big step forward in 2008 but a minority of people started pushing back so hard that we barely got our feet down on that one step forward. We fought inch by inch to get a watered down but still positive health care law passed known as the Affordable Care Act. The main beneficiaries in terms of actual dollars were the big insurance companies.

Here's the crux of the law. In exchange for a requirement to offer everyone insurance regardless of health status, they got a requirement for everyone to buy into the insurance system. It sounds fair to me at least from a capitalist point of view. The insurance companies get to tap into the pool of people who are so healthy that they decided against purchasing it in the past. In exchange, they have to offer a few more people coverage. It doesn't actually affect me as of right now. Melissa insures us both through her employer and I buy into Medicare.

Sounds like we should be pretty well covered after we pay our premiums, right? Of course not! The insurance company helps us in one way. It negotiates a lower price for medical services. In order for doctors to practice medicine within the insurance system, they have to agree to accept about 50% of what they charge those outside the system. My insurance isn't helping so much as it's distorting the entire picture of what is going on.

Do I really save half of my true medical costs through my insurance? Of course not! First of all, I'm paying a high premium to take part in this price fixing scheme. There goes much of my savings right there. That's not the real problem. The real problem is that the savings you'd expect only kick in after I meet a deductible. This deductible is about 10% of my annual pre-tax income. No, I'm sorry. That was the case in 2012. In 2013, the deductible will be about 20% of my pre-tax income. This is why I get collection calls.

Some of you may be muttering something about lies, damn lies and statistics right now. The difference between me and most Republicans is that I'll admit that I "massaged" the numbers and tell you how. Melissa's insurance covers us both and is deducted from her pre-tax income on each paycheck. Why did I compare the deductible to my much lower income? I'm the sick one in the family. If Melissa were to remember to take care of herself equally, my medical expenses would still be more than 90% of our total. Since we combine all our resources, my contribution would have to cover the premiums in a fair world.

How did I get to be so expensive? For starters, I've been incontinent my whole life. Try spending $20-$30 a week on what you wish you could just flush. That's when I don't have some sort of head and chest cold. Coughing and sneezing are expensive. My insurance doesn't cover those expenses at all. Let's just assume it's a good month. Good month or bad month, we can't forget my Medicare premiums. Medicare is the real reason why my doctors and I survive. They consider all the money spent toward my regular insurance deductible as money going toward their deductible. I reach the Medicare deductible in a couple of months.

What am I getting for all this money? I'm getting the fragile status quo. Every month, I see my pain doctor (twice this month since it's every 28 days) because the law requires they see me before prescribing narcotic pain medication. I've been on the same dosage of pain meds for a long time now because I'm effectively maxed out. Every 28 days, the law requires me to invest in a doctor visit where I might get an attaboy. I don't complain because it's not their fault.

Prescription drugs are covered by another insurer and this one is very good. My medication co-pays are relatively low yet they add up. My real problem is that I spend all this money to stay at the point where it takes everything I have to survive. There's a great U2 song called "Running to Stand Still" that gets a lot of this point across. I have to take medication to stay at the point where I don't have to cry out in pain most of the time as long as the weather is stable. Even with that medication, I get agitated and the downward cycle begins. The agitation gives me head pain and the twitches. The twitches hurt as the twitching muscles get tired and cramp. This goes on for hours sometimes and I get frustrated which leads to more pain.

If I'm very smart and devote everything to symptom control, I can limit how bad things get sometimes. I doubt I'll ever try to walk on hot coals or anything but I can use meditation to go somewhere outside where the pain is taking place. I can sense it but without feeling it. Of course, putting yourself into a trance while already agitated and in pain is not something to try at home unless you don't have a choice.

There's another problem with devoting everything to pain control. Things don't get done around here. For the moment, I seem to have - knock on wood - stabilized my routines so that major bills get paid more or less on time. Even using pen and paper, it isn't easy trying to chase my bills around when they come more steadily than my income. It's fun trying to convince a utility that a few days doesn't mean much. I know you sent me a bill with a due date for the 15th. The third Wednesday of the month happens to be the 21st. That's when I get paid so that's when you get paid. Deal with it.

Those of us who are very sick need more help not less. The only organization capable of redistributing income on the level that's necessary is the Federal Government. Instead of raising the necessary money from the people who pretend to be "job creators," the big discussion is about making budget cuts to pay down debt. That just reminds me of my current pet peeve (other than the existence of the Republican party) and that is health insurance advertising. I want to scream every time I hear some smarmy announcer explain how his company is going to cut health care costs by making everyone more healthy. There was no healthy choice to prevent me from needing brain surgery and there was no realistic way to prevent me from getting diabetes once I was too sick to exercise. I have the genetic pre-disposition or so it seems.

If health care is a big cost to business and insurers keep offering incentives for "healthy choices," it won't be long before people start losing their jobs for getting sick. It happened to me once long ago while working for a temp agency but they had the easy out of simply ending my contract. Without naming names or companies, my job went to the relative of someone who was sleeping with the big boss. Diabetics lose their jobs on a regular basis as well now. Do sick people need more help or less?

There could be more help coming but this election is huge. Every four years, the Republicans find someone more like Darth Vader to nominate for President. This isn't about any percentage of the population: 99%, 1%, 47% or whatever number we're talking about for the day. This is about 100% of us. No one would truly benefit from a Mittens Presidency. More crony capitalism would damage the economy to the point where the Friends of Mittens can't even make money by moving jobs overseas. Our national security wouldn't benefit from building more battleships when some idiot with a rowboat and an outboard motor packed with explosives can damage them in port.

I'm so tired because people can't see their best interests when they are sitting right under their noses. I'm so tired because I have to struggle while an idiot US Senate candidate talks about balanced budget amendments and not paying Congress when the budget isn't passed. Gee. I guess that means only millionaires can afford to serve in Congress now because Tea Party idiots will never allow a budget to pass on time. A rising tide lifts all boats so why are you trying to sink the country?