Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Glucklich Geburtstag auch. (That's Happy Birthday in German or would be if I had a keyboard with the proper symbols.) I'm 38 years old today and I was actually born pretty close to when I sat down to write this. It was sometime in the 5 AM hour.

Why am I in such a good mood? Well, it's my birthday and I've been promised beer and cake but not at the same time. Normally, I'd enjoy the beer but hold on to a sour mood because of some perceived failure in my life. Yesterday, I had an epiphany about the whole thing. Pierre Robert was doing his Workforce Blocks on WMMR and this can be a little depressing for me. These are blocks (three or more) of songs requested by and dedicated to people in the workforce. I haven't been in the workforce since I was disabled.

Well, an unemployed gentleman requested a block from Pierre and justified it by saying it's hard looking for a job. Pierre can be an elequent gentleman and he gave a little speech about how being unemployed can be a tough job. It's not just the task of looking for a job but all the other little stressors that add up. (That's me summing up Pierre, of course. If you've met him or listened to him you'd know why I have no chance of quoting him successfully.)

It took me a minute but I realized something. Managing this disability is my full-time job. I don't get to leave this job at the end of the day and I don't get days off from it. It's 24/7/365 if you follow that. I get help from others but it is all my job at the end of the day. Those of you who suffer from chronic pain know how it is.

Here's the hard part. Every chance you get, you need to raise a glass (literally or metaphorically) and celebrate the fact that you're still alive. Ups and downs aside, you've done your job and lived another year. It's not just chronic pain either. I lived through bullying and all sorts of abuse but I came through it with the help of a few good people. I had a diagnosed major depression and I lived through that. At 25, I was a newlywed diagnosed with Chiari. Some of you have an idea of what I've been through since then. I've made it to 38 now!

If you think I'm tooting my horn too much, I don't really care but you should remember that personal morale is part of my job. I've been worrying about trying to do so much more than manage my disability and that's foolish. Disability management is too difficult to add other stresses to it. Paying my bills is a good thing and so is writing. Paying my bills lets me enjoy such comforts as light and running water. Writing is something I do first and foremost for me. I want to be that next bestselling author who remains famous for a century or longer but that's not why I do it. It's just what I do.

I'm 38 now and I'm still alive. That gives me more time to make my mark on the world. There's a non-writing project I'd like to attempt and I call it the "Make A (Little) Wish Foundation." I'd like to make it so that survivors of severe trauma could experience something like what the "Make A Wish Foundation" does for kids. We have soldiers returning home without limbs. Maybe they need some new clothes with some special tailoring. I contacted a men's clothing store about that idea and it went nowhere. That's no reason to stop. It's a reason to try again and possibly go bigger. These same people who suffer from traumatic injuries might need help paying for that wheelchair van their families might have to buy. Better yet, there are modifications that can be made to existing cars to allow one to drive without the use of legs. I know that from my time in the spina bifida community. What about stair lifts and sit down showers? The list is endless because disability is so complex.

I've been handicapped and then disabled my whole life. I've managed my own disabilities for most of that time now. This is something to celebrate. I'd like to spend a week or more drinking good beer with old friends and Melissa who counts as both an old friend and the love of my life. That won't happen but today is to remind me to keep the celebration going at least in my heart. Every day is an accomplishment and a step forward.

Thank you to all of you who have sent me birthday greetings. It's much appreciated. Woohoo! Let me cheer you on for all those complexities in your lives. Please feel free to toot your own horns. I don't know your lives well enough. I just know that mine is a special sort of difficult and I've made it another year. 38!