I knew that I had a trip to New York coming up and I knew I was already sicker than usual. Therefore, I did the one day at a time thing. What must I do to get through Monday? I needed to make those last five dollars we had to our name last. While I don't remember exactly how, we made it. Melissa got paid on Tuesday, I got paid on Wednesday and things were looking great on Wednesday. Melissa was able to buy me more whiskey while I was able to pay the bills for the month.
Nonetheless, I was getting sicker as the week went on and I learned of a big storm that was coming to dump snow on us supposedly. That's when Melissa reminded me of the trip to New York that was coming up. You're joking, right? The painful but beautiful weather was going to hit right along with the painful yet painful long car ride to New York? Melissa had this long list of ideas on how to make the ride up better but the weirdest thing happened. We battened the hatches for this long and terrible storm that would cease all activities of life in the state for as long as three or four days but the storm all but missed us. Eight inches of snow is nothing to sneeze at in Delaware but the storm was ending Saturday night instead of Sunday morning.
Melissa rushed through packing Sunday morning while I huddled in a daze unsure if I'd finally fallen asleep and imagined this whirling dervish in the house packing everything in sight. I had a cup of coffee while trying to be sure that I was awake and then went for my shower.
Okay. I don't know how well you guys understand showers and me. They are not refreshing. They are agonizing experiences where I have to hold my hands over my head. Between the end of my shower and the clean clothes awaiting me, I tried to pass out. In a more merciful world, I'd have found a way to lose consciousness then and there. The pain was miserable and I was done for the day.
Melissa finished up our errands and let me have another quick nap but I wasn't ready for the road. I never wanted to sit in a car again much less that same day. For the first time in my life long memory, I felt car sick. The pain was overwhelming as I moaned and bit back the louder noises. When Melissa insisted on a rest stop, fear of public humiliation was all that kept me upright. I wanted to beg her to spend the night with me in that rest stop so we wouldn't have to return to that car. We had not rigged up the planned coping mechanisms for dealing with pain. There were no premixed and mislabeled cocktails to ease the pain away. Melissa ended up mixing proportions in parking lots that almost made me cough with all my experience.
I did fall down after we made it here and things didn't get much better. Instead of the quiet sleeping house I'd envisioned, everyone was talkative and joyful. At one point, I snapped something about people prolonging my pain and I thought it was going to work for a while but they caught their momentum and started right up again.
All I wanted to do was sleep but I was too wired from hurting so much for so long that I was up just about all night. It started back up early this afternoon until Melissa managed to help me. I think I'm going to save this here and post only after I feel better-ish. Rogue spellcheck at work. Save me!
I'm up before 6 AM and back to work on this entry. The pain was extraordinary again yesterday but I want to straighten something out before I post this. I am here because I want to be here. I'm in a lot of pain but I'm an old hand at this. I could be in almost as much pain sitting at home alone. If I were sitting home alone, I'd be missing my family here. Yes, I'd miss Melissa most of all but I'd be kicking myself for passing up a chance to spend time with the New York family.
By the time the afternoon arrives, I'll be in a lot of pain and lashing out at people almost at random. They will be either out on the town or gathered around their TV like most American families. Since the most comfortable chairs are in that room, I probably will be there as well. My dear 75 year old mother in law has ceded her favorite chair to me so far and that's a huge gesture. I'd be in far worse shape without it. They added a stop on their errands yesterday to get me some of my favorite beer that's local to the area and no one complained (including Melissa) when I threw my favorite expensive import on the list with the stuff that's local to New York. I get treated like...family here.
For those of you who have been reading through all the bumps and bruises I've had concerning my birth family, you might have a clue of how important that is to me. Yes, my parents were generous to the point of extravagance more times than I can count. Credit where credit is due, after all. They saved my ass more times than I would prefer to remember but they never wanted me around except for yard work day. That's even a bad joke because we didn't work together on anything. We each did our own separate assignments and mine was never done right or maybe it was but the point is that it matters a lot less here.
Here in the early morning hours when I can appreciate the finer things, I feel more welcome than I do in my own house. Thank you, everybody.
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