Not Dead Yet! (Part 1)

There's a line from Monty Python that's so worth stealing that Ricky Buchanan, fellow sickie of Australia, already stole it to be the title of her late lamented online journal. Thankfully, it's also true although it seemed a little closer than I would have liked for a while. In addition to my chronic pain, fatigue and overall icky illness issues, I managed to catch the flu.

It struck like a bolt from the blue sky a couple of Sundays ago. I was playing a PS3 game when exhaustion sent me a warning to shut it all down right then and there. I needed to go to bed. While I was shutting things down, I was hit with such violent shaking that it triggered the headaches I only get after the very worse coughs and sneezes. These are what I imagine whiplash would be like.

I made it up the stairs where Melissa was in bed but not yet asleep thankfully. I called out to her in a panic that I couldn't stop shaking and about the pain it had triggered. She asked if I were cold which should have been a simple enough question but I didn't know. If I were cold, it would have been the worst cold I'd felt in my entire life. After I dove under the covers wearing all of my clothes, she followed and brought along her heating pad. I still shivered for an hour after the sweat started pouring out. I spent the entire next day in bed afraid to venture out until Melissa got home because I might feel that cold again.

She got home shortly after I had gotten brave enough to venture down to the couch away from my ultra-boring bedroom with Gatorade/Powerade. This stuff would end up providing nearly all of my calories for about a week. Food disgusted me except in the smallest quantities but the now sugar free sports drinks tasted good.

I spent a week in a state of being "almost better." It felt as if I needed to get up and do things to "earn my oxygen" yet I found myself staggering back to the couch a few minutes later each time. Within a few days, I found this odd happy medium. There was clear evidence right before me that I was too sick to do anything but cope so I coped. I liked the feeling of knowing my purpose in life. That purpose was to survive and try to feel the best I could feel. Seems like there's a lesson in there somewhere but I'm starting to wear out again already.

There will be more soon but I wanted you to know that I haven't given up.