Still Going Strong

I don't want anyone to worry about my last post. Rage is just another symptom now. The most important people in my life are aware of it now and my doctors will be soon. My goal is to just to soldier on. There is a certain degree of bravery involved in enduring something. As long as we do all that we can to cope and to avoid hurting others, we have had a good day. While I won't compare myself to a soldier under fire or some other sort of conventional hero, I can take pride in my endurance.

I was terribly upset because I had hurt my in-laws for no good cause as if there would be a good cause for such a thing. I'd forgotten about Melissa and her uncanny ability to help me. Judy and Barbara seem to have picked up Melissa's method for dealing with my raging moments as well as Melissa herself. They listen to what I'm saying, try to pick out anything of importance - Is he raging because he's overstimulated or because the house is on fire? - and then let the whole thing go when I'm done. It's too much to ask of someone but, as Melissa reminds me, they are family and that's what families are supposed to do. It's a shame I didn't learn that until now.

Looking at rage as just another symptom isn't a cop out. I look at my symptoms straight on and in every other way I can come up with and then work on tactics to deal with them. It sounds silly but I think I'll try counting to ten the next time I feel like lashing out at Melissa. That's what they say to do when you need to pick up a baby when you're frustrated. I'm very thankful that my rage has never been physical because it would not be appropriate to forgive myself so easily.

So, looking at this head on, I'll issue a few apologies and ask for suggestions. At the doctor's office, the docs have me cornered physically whenever they enter the room. As silly as that may sound, it has always made a difference to me. I may have to ask them to turn around and give me a ten count when I can feel myself ready to snap. It can't hurt to ask. In my own home, I can try to wait it out through a ten count and then leave the room if it doesn't work. To my great surprise, there can be big benefits to not leaving the room. If I leave the room, I can always come back.

It doesn't count for much because I haven't exactly caught on with a wide following but let me offer anyone who reads this a blanket apology. If I have insulted you over the past couple of years, I'm sorry. While the circumstances were the fault of no one, I could have handled them better. I'm sorry and now it's time to move on.