My in-laws were over here celebrating Easter with us. In other words, some of my favorite people were here cooking some of my favorite foods (because they know I love ham with all the "fixin's") and giving me candy. This is not your classic stressful situation unless you're a Chiarian with my specific symptoms and you're already weakened by the stress described in Part One. Even if you happen to be me, you probably wouldn't expect to melt down as badly as I did.
Honestly, I was doing better but preparing an elaborate meal requires a certain amount of noise. That's a given for which I thought I was prepared. There's a tradeoff to having the noise taking place behind me or the noise and movement where I can take them in visually as well. In restaurants, I try to face the sources of noise but my home is set up to keep the back of my chair in the way to protect me. I took a soft fall coming down the stairs into the situation.
Before I could finish the meal, I was twitching so badly that I could hardly get the fork into my mouth safely. The top of my head might as well have been dipped in acid. I was trying not to yell out in pain or, worse, flinch in direct reaction to each unintentional trigger. Sometimes, I don't want people to know what they are doing "wrong" because there's nothing wrong about it. There's also no better way of doing it.
I don't remember specific triggers from yesterday now anyway. It might just be better that way. I do believe that the human mind is not capable of remembering pain as specifically as other things because it would be that much harder to get up and face the day. I do remember that I started off with what I considered to be a good Easter haul before dinner. After dinner, things became a blur of pain.
All I could do was close my eyes and try to meditate. I hope I mumbled some pleasant sounding things along with the outcries of pain. I know that I was utterly exhausted from not sleeping and from being drained. Melissa helped me quite a bit. I remember her telling me that some sort of weather front was moving through. That's one of her roles. My faith in her reminds me of my faith that "this too shall pass." She made me tea and I tried to point out that it was tea from Judy, my mother-in-law, that would be most helpful.
It took me a while to remember how it all passed. I was afraid that I went so deep into meditation that I hadn't noticed them leaving. They went to go have some fun at the local casino forgetting that it was Easter. By the time Melissa returned alone, the meltdown had receded into a dull roar. I had slept some with a cat on my lap who seemed to know that I needed the calm.
Hopefully, I achieved minimal politeness status but it's so hard to tell. In any case, I wanted to post for you guys out there in similar situations. Even pleasant things can trigger pain and symptoms. You can't give up all the pleasant things out of fear so just have faith. The worst of it shall pass. For those of you who know people like me, please remember that it isn't your fault. We could avoid you if we wanted to and we don't. The worst of it is better than the worst of the isolation.
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