Like most people, I define life as something beyond breathing and having a heartbeat. Chronic pain and other symptoms can reduce life to something that exists with little or no fun. For some reason, companies expect you to continue paying them for things like electricity yet no one expects you to need fun. For a while, removal of bad things can be enough. I had a job that I hated yet it was getting sick that caused me to lose it. For a few weeks, I had nothing but broadcast TV (with rabbit ears) and books I'd read before to keep me busy.
On one hand, not going to that job was such a relief that I didn't care for a while. I had to call angry people on the phone and I didn't even know that talking on the phone and dealing with anger aggravated my symptoms. All I knew was that I could sit in my relatively comfy chair and have fond thoughts of what this pain was helping me escape. That's when the other side of the coin reared its ugly head. I felt guilty for finding a reason to be something other than miserable. I was near rock bottom and found a way to keep going yet this made me feel guilty.
Wanting to have a life and needing reasons to live is normal. Finding reasons to live while having every conventional reason to be miserable is a virtue. That singer/philosopher, Bruce Springsteen, once wrote that "it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive. It isn't always that easy to get there. Sometimes, you need a serious dose of those things.
One of my most important skills is a matter of counting my assets differently than others might. We're taught from the cradle to think of money as the most important asset if not the only true asset. When we're not thinking in terms of electronic money in a bank somewhere or actual green bills that you can hold in your hand and count, we're calculating the value of the property we own in dollars and cents. (If you're not American, substitute the currency of your choice.) I try not to use terms like right and wrong to describe such choices but let's look at the real value of the dollar bill.
You can't survive on a diet of dollar bills. The paper is not something you can digest plus the ink has no nutritional value and may or may not be poisonous. Few things are touched by as many unwashed hands as dollars so they would be miniature plagues in waiting if we didn't build up immunities to these germs. Even so, kids working fast food counters must be sure to wash their hands every time they take your money and go to wrap up your food.
I'll get to the point. Money is only useful for the goods or services we can obtain in exchange for it. It is not the root of all evil and there's nothing wrong with going the conventional route of getting a good job, being paid lots of money and exchanging that money for what we want or need. Most of us would go that route if we could. Those of us who are disabled and suffering from some sort of chronic illness cannot go that route. We must survive at least partially by alternate means. Generally, society is willing to help us gain the "three hots and a cot" to which most people believe we're entitled.
That line came from a prison movie which I don't remember well enough to name. The point was that prisoners were a drain on society and only got to live because some people are better than they are. There's an opposing viewpoint which states that the bare minimum we should expect from society should improve as society advances. While I approve of the second viewpoint, I don't expect many to share it.
Thus, I take the "three hots and a cot from society" and go from there. My goal is to spend as little money as possible even if the money comes from someone else. One way of doing this is within the auspices of adding to society. I want to contribute to society as a great fiction writer but that's almost impossible these days so I'll settle for spreading the word about symptom control. For that, I just need the computer and internet access that I already have.
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