The Expectations Game

I believe it was yesterday when I started thinking about what a failure this blog project has become. I've hardly posted at all and haven't had all that much new to say. I thought that I might as well quit when I remembered something I like to call The Expectations Game. Last week, I made a special effort to do all the housework I could handle knowing that it wouldn't be that much by ordinary standards. Soon enough, I found myself asleep for much of two days straight and I hadn't done nearly what I'd expected.

Was I an actual failure? No. This was just the Expectations Game trying to take a big bite out of my ass. Anticipation can be a good thing but expectations are almost never good. If you learned to set your sights high like I did, the best you can do is meet expectations. More often, you're going to fall short. Is it because of some great failing in you? No! The Expectations Game is evil and even dangerous.

For someone suffering from chronic pain, you can get bitten both ways if you try to play the game. Set your expectations too high and nothing is enjoyable enough to be worth the price you paid for it in pain. Set those expectations too low and then there's no point in trying. Things are what they are. There will be a lot of days when I'll be in too much pain to write so I don't promise any particular posting quota. I don't expect the big concert in May to be equal to the great Pearl Jam show of 2009 but I do know there will be things to enjoy.

At first, I tried to eliminate all expectations from my life but it didn't work. I'm a planner and part of planning is knowing or having an idea of what you might face. It's not enough to be a pessimist and assume that everything will go wrong. What if something goes right and you're unprepared for it? The point is to keep your expectations neutral. If you suffer from chronic pain, you can try to find ways to minimize its effects. If you have a ration of pain pills for breakthrough pain, try to save up a safe but effective amount of the medicine for pain related to the exercise or noise you might face. Without the extra pain, the treat activity might be even better. The same thing applies to the "weird and wonderful" symptoms we Chiarians face on a regular basis.

Don't go overboard expecting the worst to happen. Once you've done all that you can to prepare for it, there's no point in extra dread. Have the most fun you can and don't blame yourself if something goes wrong. That was something that had a terrible effect on me when I was younger. Bad things happen and they don't have to be your fault. Take responsibility for your preparation and for how you react. The actual bad event is neutral.

Sometimes, you might end up kicking yourself anyway. When you're done, you have two main choices. You can kick yourself for having the setback of kicking yourself or you can let it go. These expectations can be habits formed over a lifetime so it can take a long time to be done with them. There's an overriding rule here for both good and bad events: "This too shall pass." Try to appreciate the good times and enjoy the here and now because it will end. The same thing applies for the bad times. There's nothing wrong with enjoying any good that gets mixed in with the bad but even truly horrid events will end. When it's over, try to let it go.