Running Out of Things

As long as the weather is right and I don't run out of things, my symptoms are sorta under control. I can only write that with a straight face because of the pain. Yesterday, I got my hands on a new supply of the drug prescribed for Restless Leg Syndrome. As regular readers know, I have Restless Arm Syndrome instead but my innovative pain management specialist decided that I was right about my symptoms just being a weird variation on RLS. Therefore, he prescribed the RLS medication for me as well as the fibromyalgia medicine since I realized some of my symptoms were dead on for that lovely problem. So long as I take the two together along with my arthritis medication, the anti-depressant prescribed for pain control and my two kinds of narcotics, my symptoms are under control. That means I only have a couple hours of severe pain each day.

I have one day's worth of all my medicines together in order to try getting things under control. The key to not freaking out is to remember that it takes a few days for all of my medicines to get their acts together and to make me feel a little better. Some improvement is better than no improvement. Right? Therefore, I am trying to ignore the fact that my arms feel like I just flew in from Europe or Northwest Canada. We've had some wet weather along with a sudden shortage (only a few days ago) of purely medicinal whiskey that numbs the tooth pain so I'm on fire. Admittedly, I've felt worse but that doesn't count for much when you've had brain and spine surgery.

It turns out that September is Chiari Awareness Month though I'm not sure how many outside the community are aware of this. It won't truly count for me until I get to present what I know on the subject and do so professionally. I find it difficult to write about certain things like incontinence even when I'm frustrated. Depends are one of those things that I came very close to running out of this past week. The only reason that I didn't was that I put myself through conservation measures that may have caused me more or less permanent injury. I suppose some outpatient surgery and other humiliation could bring me back to some sort of base level of illness where the skin deterioration would stop for a while.

Maybe it's easier to write about these things when I'm frustrated. Frustration is easier to handle than despair which is where I've been off and on for a while now. This is when I need to remember my lessons from Stephen R. Donaldson. I can't remember the exact quote but there's one about not giving up because wonders may redeem you. There have been times when I have fought on through impossible circumstances and found some sort of unexpected rescue at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I have to remind you that these were impossible looking circumstances for people like me and not anything that would call for Army Rangers or Delta Force. I do what I can while trying to avoid comparing my best to what a healthy person brought up to trust himself might be able to do. After all, it's not my fault if I fail to exceed myself.