A Day of Rest

I'm not trying to be funny by having my day of rest hit on a Sunday. My body made the choice for me. I caught myself sliding downhill yesterday or Friday and came to the not surprising conclusion that I didn't want to spend weeks fighting off 10+ pain again. The surprising thing is that I'm able to do something about it. My new chair helps take the edge off my fatigue and so I'm able to go to sleep if nothing else (Maddie and Pippi!) is keeping me awake. I'm beginning to believe that there's a strong physical element to the frantics. If I'm so tired that I can't stand it, years of school training come to my aid and keep me awake enough. Of course, that's not helpful anymore but no one told my body.

The chair is not for sleeping. Upright sleep isn't as restful to my body as bed sleep. Waking up with my beard in my mouth is unpleasant but that's what I get for my vanity. Besides, it helps in other ways. Enough of the gross stuff! I'm not writing to complain. The chair is for resting, napping and having a comfortable position for myself. Now that I have a comfortable place again, I'm starting to understand just how much damage being that tired did to me. I spent most of the time in a state somewhere between being awake and being asleep. I would slide into slumber just long enough to spill food or drink all over myself or to have an alarming dream. One or the other would shock me awake.

I am convinced that these were dreams and not true hallucinations but they were close enough to be terribly alarming. I would wake up and have to ask Melissa the strangest things. "Did so and so call and tell us she's dying?" No. Until I asked, the information was there in the back of my mind like it truly happened at some uncertain point in the recent past. I found myself angry with Melissa recently because I didn't know where she was for about eight hours. I was certain that she would have told me something even something vague like "out with friends." I had nothing in the old leaky memory bank. She told me that she was going to do something for work yesterday and I handed her the tablet angrily. Write it down. If we write stuff down, I'll know where to look and separate the dreams from reality.

Thankfully, I'm getting a break from the 10 second dreams as I call them. It can't be coincidence that this break has coincided with the chair's time in the house. My naps go a little deeper and last longer than ten seconds in the chair yet I remind myself to sleep. I'm still a day sleeper but I've learned to accept that. I can nap at night the way someone else might nap in the afternoon. I know most nappers are babies or the elderly but it's not shameful to find ways of staying healthier

The Chiarian motto is "Be gentle with yourself." I've failed to follow it because I've been trying so hard to get things done. Must remember to avoid over-scheduling myself. If I don't rest, I'm just pushing myself toward an earlier than necessary grave. I'm in no hurry to reach my eternal rest so I'm taking today off. Tomorrow, I get to deal with three potential problems of unknown severity.

That's tomorrow.