The Reset Button

It is my fervent hope that this excerpt will be published in similar form someday as part of a much larger work. Therefore, I might have to yank this post away for legal reasons someday. However, I cannot hold back everything I think of just in case it might snow in Hell or some savvy publisher might make my dreams come true.

This is another one of those concepts that might seem funny until you need it. It’s a metaphor for dealing with the cumulative effect of stress on the body and mind. Since you’re bound to feel intense guilt for many irrational reasons, you’re going to overreact from time to time. You might even have a classic “John Stapleford is sorry for living” moment. Just think stereotypical teenage girl and you come close.

You’re going to feel all of the classic emotions that help us all get into trouble but I started with guilt because it feels like a cleaner emotion to me. I’m supposed to feel guilty, after all. That downward spiral was interrupted by my use of the reset button in my head. I’m not going to explain how or why I tend to feel that guilt is cleaner somehow because that could be a multi-page tangent. Yeah. I could have deleted the whole thing but this is what they call a teachable moment.

Instead, I’m going to move on as if nothing happened. When dealing with close friends and family, healthy people run up emotional debts all the time. When you have chronic pain and face isolation among other things, you’re going to have the urge to fall on your knees and beg forgiveness at least once a week. Oddly enough, I’ve discovered that this irritates a lot of people along with the predictable knee issues.

Those people who stick with you over the years are going to expect outbursts and roll with it or else they would not have made it this far. The best thing to do after an outburst is to do what you must to end it. I’m not the creative sort but kids learning to cope with disability while being taught to respect elders might benefit from having a sign to raise with something like “Sorry…running off the rails” written on it to hold up. Both children and adults can benefit from having a timeout. For me, it’s a quiet and dimly lit room and a cold pack or damp towel.

Upon returning from your timeout, don’t mention the reason why you left. As I mentioned before, people who know you and have stuck with you don’t need an explanation. They might actually appreciate you not interrupting some pleasant activity with another overly emotional apology. Other times, you need to depend on your life coach to explain the chronic pain or other symptom to relative newcomers. If you get yourself in real trouble with someone in law enforcement for example, you might want to print something small like a business card stating that you suffer from something that makes overly emotional responses more likely. Especially in a law enforcement setting, you should also include the number to your doctor’s office presuming that your doctor has agreed to this and will back you up.

Obviously, you should try to behave yourself in the first place. Every outburst is a potential breaking point in your relationships. Those who refrain from following you off the rails are the sort of treasures you should value over worldly goods and so on. If someone follows you off the rails, you should offer them the same consideration that they offer you. Press that reset button and move on.

Sometimes, this will not work or it has been done too many times. Not every relationship is going to make it and that’s a hard lesson whether you are healthy or not.